Day three of bodyaches and bad sleep. Fuck me raw. Microplane zester, do your thing. It's gonna be a nyquill night tonight.

I had a dream last night, and couldn't stop thinking about outlining my friends entire reality show. the interviews that would be necessary, the cast of characters, the situations, etc. Now the one question I have is why cant i be productive about my own projects when i'm tired and sick?

So my friend was going to do some freelance work for this semi-posh club in my building and she showed up, they weren't prepared and then after barely doing any work, she was sent away because the crazy boss person wanted something done a specific way that they hadn't told anyone about. are you fucked? I cannot wait to see how this supposed club turns out. I think I might invest in a catapult to throw buckets of poop and herring up there when i'm bored. they also are responsible for the occasional jackhammering at 6 pm. jesus, please? I want jackhammering at 6 pm, but it usually involves a couple supermodels, a big rotating bed and me covered in babyoil.

at least my sense of humor isn't gone despite me feeling like shit. where's my cute intern friend? i feel lonelys.

Today I felt like shit, was shadowed at the office by a lunatic, accidentally attempted suicide and decided to purchase $80 worth of vitamins to try to fix my sort-of-illness.

I'm kind of glad to see reviews of the film Youth in Revolt are skewering the damn thing. I hated the book so much it helped inspire me to write my own novel. And Michael Cera needs to stop playing the same character and seriously learn to act. Dude could be the next Tom Hanks if he wanted to. I'm just saying.

The suicide thing? My jammed printer decided to dig a sharp edge into my wrist when I reached in to try to clear out paper. Yeah, nice unfortunate looking cut that looks like I pulled an Artie Lange on myself. What in the world was I thinking? Painfullll.

New shows to watch include Worst Cooks in the World and American Repo. The Repo Men went to reposess a car that was surrounded by Renaissance Faire people. They kept in character. Good god.

Off to try to sleep my way to betterness.

Match.com

I decided the other night to take a moment and see specifically what was going on on the internet. I've never actively tried dating, ever. Partially because I was always too busy and partially because frankly, I just don't like people all that much. I swear, I've been a misanthrope since I discovered that I was the only person I really truly liked.

So I type the barest of information in and good looking at profiles. And I keep finding people that are barely attractive and then some cute ones. Granted, I'm not looking at 21 year old babies anymore so I expect some of these girls to look like they've been stepped on by the Grape Ape (and trust me, the fug ones are out there.)

I stumble upon a friend's profile, which is actually quite good (I have threatened to date or hate-fuck her for years but she doesn't seem to have it within her mental construct to give in to the party host, probably due to the fact that we actually like each other -- how pathetic is that?) I shot her an email telling her I liked her profile and she looked good and she was not only embarrassed but seemed to be embarrassed due to the fact that she was even on there.

I let that one go and then I kept looking and saw this one girl who had ginormous BJ lips and so I checked out her profile. Despite the comment that every stupid woman makes i.e. "I Love to Laugh" this woman wrote one of the most asinine things I'd read in a while.

"I watch intellectual shows like Californication."

Say WHAT?

Where's my microplane zester, I need to do some damage to myself right now and I want it to hurt so bad I can get the thought out of my mind that the gene pool is so depleted that there are people out there who would categorize Californication as intellectual. And no, Devil's Advocate, it wasn't sarcasm. You can't judge sarcasm online. There was no ;) or :) or any of the other emoticons that retarded ass monkeys put up when they decide they want to be funny.

It makes me sad. These are people who walk through life deluded about what life is really all about. Granted, I know my guilty pleasures can be pretty stupid (Jersey Shore?) but I know they're not that bright. Californication is not intellectual. Online dating is not embarrassing. And perhaps dating in general is not for me.

It's just something I've never done or tried. And I may actually be bored enough to try it soon enough.

It could be amazing in terms of fodder for this blog. And possibly find me someone to share in my misery with.

Dropping some knowledge

I've been bad about this so let me un-bad myself. What's up sphincters?

I've been incredibly bored lately. To the point of playing games online for fun and drinking myself sober bored. It's at that point I get every other month where alcohol fails to get anything accomplished in my body. Suckitude.

I've been working out and trying to be healthy and it's working. Resolution #1 is good. Resolution #2 is me writing my second book which feels daunting since I wrote my first book after some girl I didn't like so much treated me like a pile of garbage and despite being ok with the outcome, I felt used and abused in the end. And you wonder why I don't have a piece attached to my arm.

So I'm using this to remind myself how to say words and string words together and remember how to creatively flow sentences like a twisted river of juxtaposition. I also weeded out my to-do list for the moment. Having "key lime pie" listed doesn't help. Learn to make it, you vacuous hooker!

Last night I had a massive pig-out of Indian food with my two faves and one of my comments at dinner was one of my comments at life -- the truth about money is that there will always be more. I learned this from my now-deceased friend...and it applies to life.

I bought a groupon (www.groupon.com) for $50 worth of Indian food to this place, for $20. And we used it and then split the difference afterwards. And I insisted we overtip -- about $24. On a $72 tab. Who cares right? we ate a lot and were taken care of. Well, the waiter comes out to find us, hands me the groupon back and says "you were so nice -- please have this back and use this again."

Money...there will always be more. And it comes to you if you allow it. Which I'm currently doing quite often now.

It feels good to be right. It feels good to be a gangsta. but I gotta stay grateful as always.