Thank you xanax for letting me sleep through the night.

I'm kind of in wreck mode but not really. I'm just ready for my fucking vacation.

I dont want to deal with complaints.
I dont want to deal with assholes being assholes.
I just want to be doped up and on my plane and asleep.

People have been severely irritating to me this week so i'm hoping all of this goes the hell away.

I had to lash out a couple of times to make things less sucky.

I had to remind people that they are not to ruin my vacation.

I had to say things that might be cruel.

But at the end of the day and the end of my rope, I don't feel bad.

I just need to recharge.

I love it when I find random shit

I collect Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars -- always have. Probably due to loving them when I was a little kid and how there's nothing about them that could ever let me down.

When I was up in Santa Ynez at Santa Ynez Days, there was a bin that had cars -- three for a dollar. Now, I don't go for the common, regular ones. I go for upscale models or weird ones. Like this little snowmobile I got.

Today as I was moving them over, I heard a rattling inside of one. I tried opening it -- I tried doing this before with no luck. I figured, if there's money in there, what the hey.

I got a letter opener to pry the back up and three weird coins shook out.


1960 3 Pence piece
1964 6 Pence piece
1940 Farthing piece (I thought it said earthling, then I thought it said farthing)

It's random and cool as hell that this happened. I don't think these are really worth all that much but it is very cool to have something so random like this happen.

Tapping Out

Tried like a champ to read this script based on a hot new video game...it was not good. It felt like a video game and not a movie and thats why I don't play those things.

It was like GI Joe meets Alien except there's no suspense, just shit thrown on top of shit that doesn't really work and it made me sad. At this rate, the movie business will have raped every video game and cartoon character and comic until there's nothing left.

I'd rather watch Mickey Mouse fucking Minnie than another movie where an elite team of assholes has to go shooting up shit. I feel like I'd get more out of watching that porn too. They say we see lots of violence and explosions and all of that crap anyway...wouldnt it be less harmful to watch people fuck with bad stories?

I'm considering a SugarDVD account just so I can be entertained on a regular basis this way. Otherwise, I don't know what I'll do. I am sick of movies and TV licks my taint so badly that I watch a lot of Cops Reruns to fill my life up with crap.

Hit 500 again on my netflix queue

time to scale it back..ugh

Eff You Facebook

Facebook, you're like my girlfriend's right hand. You just make things harder.

Look party people, I'm all for social networking as a means for enjoying yourself and your life but at this rate, I'm completely fucking sick of having information, photos and useless crap jammed into my eyesockets on a daily basis.

Example: Some chick posted a thing up of her quitting her job via photos of her with a whiteboard. She's hot and calls out her boss for wasting company time.

It looked fake. She was too posey.
One day later...She admits it. It wasnt that funny to begin with.
Why did I need that in my inbox?

I'm too old and too retardedly smart to want to have to deal with crap like this. I am not dumb enough nor do I have the patience to click "add" to see Lady Gaga's true sex revealed or see the 10 photos you cannot stare at for 30 seconds.

I don't care about pictures of you and your friends in bikinis in a large group or your cousin's wedding or untagged photos of hot ass. Tag that shit or don't post it; give me someone to stalk or not at all.

Facebook has made it easy to forget about the little things in life and it's making us all dumber. I made a decision to ween myself off of it because I feel my intelligence and time being sucked away. And you know what else?

I don't like people all that much. I don't like reading them complain, post about restaurants they visit, checking into events via foursquare, reposting articles that most smart people have already read. It's pretty unreasonable and unreal and at the end of the day, I don't need it.

Pardon me; I have some real work to do. Figuring out how to avoid making my life seem like the plot to idiocracy.

Yesterday I saw my lifelong friend Beth and met her boyfriend, Aaron. We went to eat at this place called Boho which called itself a gastropub but everything was greasy and sort of so-so -- except the food that Beth ordered and didn't like. Aaron and i ate that up.

As the waitress, who I hadnt really noticed, came by, she started talking about how she didnt like dating pretty people since they're such assholes and she wants to date people with great personalities because thats whats important and I listened to what she said and thought "damn that's familiar sounding."

After she left, Aaron and Beth were like "go for it" and I was like "uh no, cannot break my no-dating-actors rule." Plus I wasn't really attracted to her, so that ends up killing it that way.

Late last night I turned over and grabbed my blackberry and wrote the following phrase down...it resonates to me:

"She came up to me saying everything I was thinking and it revolted me so I just walked away. I must not sound so good these days"

I realized that it was flattering to have a waitress come up to me practically throwing herself at me but at the end of the day I have the self-esteem not to chase things that I don't want or are just given to me because they're put right there in front of me.

My grandfather, Papa, was we called him, was one of those guys that everybody liked. He was a world war two veteran, loved a good steak. Loved cars and women.

He was a really heavy guy but that didn't stop him. He would have girlfriends come and visit; quite a couple of times we'd come to my grandfather's apartment and there would be some woman there chatting him up. Even in his old age, he still had it. I'm fortunate enough to have inherited his ability to charm a lady, somehow.

He was the only person who my mom felt safe around; she had a really torturous childhood, which sort of explains mine. My mom deified him a little, to the point that when he got sick when I was little, we were always going to the hospital. Always. Three, sometimes five days a week. I remember doing my homework in the lobby of one hospital, playing "penny hockey" with my sister in another. I got used to eating out of a vending machine. I'm pretty sure one of the reasons I overeat is because I used to stuff my feelings, like when I was a kid at the hospital.

He passed away when my family was on a trip to London and we found out after we got out of the taxi outside of my mother's house. My oldest uncle stepped out of my mom's house, then my other uncle, then my mom's mom.

My sister and mom burst into tears but I didn't. I knew that my grandfather was at peace and no longer going to dialysis three days a week. I knew that he wasn't angry at God anymore; he was with God.

As I was dusting, I grabbed this classic car that he gave me. It was porcelean and until today, I hadn't really examined it. It's a 1937 beige Cord phaeton convertible. I have always treated this piece like it was special. I don't let people handle it, even if it gets dusty as all hell sometimes. As I flipped it over and saw the 1937 Cord, I was drawn to the logo at the bottom; 1984, made in Brazil. It made me smile and made me think that the meaning I had to this car, probably was a lot less than it's worth financially.

Of course I googled it. It's worth $5 to $15. After looking closer, it was made by Avon for Father's Day that year.

It kind of makes me smile how precious I'd been with this item but it also makes me think about how it's just about the memories it evokes. It's a cool piece with a cool story. I think those are more valuable than the things worth the big money.

I still feel totally run down.
I picked up some wellness formula, ying chiao and elderberry syrup.
I really want to be asleep in bed.
This is one of those weekends where almost everything I have to do are things I don't want to do.
I'd love to cancel all of it.
I know I can't.
But I'm going to cancel half.
Not going for a walk tomorrow
Not going to go to any parties
Going to sleep
Lots of sleep
hopefully that will fix everything.

The conversations start as simply as
Hello, what’s the time
and my backwards soul knows your intentions are divine
Replete with sweetness and adoration and
Impure thoughts
Just like mine.

But I can’t have you
Not right then
It makes me wonder when
I can stop to smell the roses
Your perfume
A lingering touch
I think I’ve said too much

It doesn’t deter you
Your eyes say no and yes
But we’ll walk together.
I anticipate a mess
But despite the fear that resides inside
I go along for the ride; just this time

In my dreams, I fall in love
Cant control just what I’m thinking of
Sometimes she disappears without a kiss
Someone I deeply miss
I know it’s just my thoughts
Guiding silent voices from within
The urges and splurges
Feel so real
Alas, I wake up and I’m still here.

Prop 8 was declared unconstitutional

You have no idea how happy I am for my LGBT friends.

There is no reason that any consenting adult should be denied the right to marry another consenting adult (that isnt their direct blood relative, but this is California, not the back woods.)

Congrats to all.

You are all now going to piss me off by getting married and making me have to cry through a whole bunch of beautiful weddings and have awesome cake and awesome parties and stress me out by having to buy you awesome presents.

You can all go be happily married and make me sick by doing so.

Feel like shit today; I think between sitting next to somebody who was sick at the movies and having an intern help me who was sick, I am trying to fight off some bullshit. I will win, however, so we'll leave it at that.

Rewatched Napoleon Dynamite to get the visual fabric down for my current project. I never found that movie funny the first time and then I rewatched it and it's still not funny. And figured out that creepy uncle Rico in that movie played Ronnie in my favorite movie, Get Shorty. That was kinda cool.

So this morning I go to Urth Caffe to get a red eye and a muffin. I order my shit, the slanty midget at the register takes my order and I wait on the side for my red eye. Dump one shot of espresso in coffee. Not that hard.

I wait. And wait. And the guy keeps calling out a drink for some girl named Audrey. Wellllll....yeah. Somehow my name got butchered into Audrey. Do I look like I have tits? No, I have manly defined chest that doesnt jiggle. And my name and Audrey sound as similar as Peter and Podiatrist. So besides having slits for eyes, cashier dude, you are also deaf and possibly retarded.

Boss man was curt with me about handling something that I figured would end badly. Guess what? It did. I got yelled at by somebody who I don't allow to yell at me. I put him on hold. I dont yell back because I'll destroy people. I don't know how to bicker; I generally refuse to because if it escalates, I will have to ruin them. Alas, it got handled, stupidly, and I crave the opportunity to sit on my ass in my own office instead of working for someone else.

I'm achy and tired and I don't like you. That's all

Scary as fuck

This morning, while downing my pre-coffee and doing work during my time (like a moron,) I heard gunshots. Multiple gunshots. It sounded like somebody was going off with an automatic weapon.

I ducked my head out and saw one of my neighbors as perplexed as me. We discussed needing Kevlar vests and went back to our thing.

Ten minutes later…the same thing. OK, this clearly wasn’t what I thought it was but guess what? I called the pigs in.

Anyone with street sense would be able to tell you that if you went to do a drive-by, you don’t come back for seconds ten minutes later.

That’s some al qaeda shit, except we don’t have al qaeda in the 90038.

Ten minutes later, I heard more.

Yeah, me thinks this isn’t automatic gunfire. Me thinks these are kids playing with a loud air gun.

Besides the rat-tat-tat-tat, there was no noise.

I’ve scoured the news and there’s nothing.

Stupid as shit morons doing stupid stuff.

Still, was scary.

It has been quiet.

Yesterday was a pretty ok day. I got up and did cardio, went to the bank and then picked up some blank CDs to burn the new Sparkle Horse/Dangermouse and 500 Days of Weezy. I went to see Get Low with Robert Duvall and Bill Murray -- it's about a crotchety old guy who has terrorized his town for years via reputation and such, who wants to have a living funeral for himself and it becomes much more. Definitely took me down a level mentally. Then I went home and listened to The Low Anthem's set from the Newport Folk Festival and later went to a play about an Iraqi War vet who has massive delusions. It was one of those days where everything seemed delicately linked together by a theme. This one seemed to be delusions and secrets. It was kinda cool.

Stayed up late watching Cops and got up and just couldn't get myself to go see Inception. I just don't care to see it. I think I may go on Tuesday -- that would be good as I have no plans this week.

Today I cooked, wrote, watched half of Hung Season One and I'm planning on working out shortly. My body feels all achy and weird probably because i'm sitting weird. I should cut it out.

Wrote 3 pages of my new novel. Sometimes its hard to push myself to do it but I should do it...and make myself do it like it's my job.

That's kind of where my head's at right now. I have a screening of a documentary tonight that might be interesting.