Don’t take away my simple pleasures

I have a lot of current sources of illegitimate rage going on, many of which I need to figure out but the absolute lowest level on the totem pole is the thought in my head right now: my simple pleasures are being eaten away.
This burst of angry energy of mine may stem from the fact that it’s so hard to connect with people anymore, but I think the root of it is that everyone is so busy being preoccupied about being preoccupied.

For example, automatic toilets piss me off. They flush before I have time to admire or be repulsed by my shit. You’re going to flush before I can even finish wiping? Really? Where’s the joy in being able to marvel at last night’s dinner? A simple example, yes. Not a general one everyone would understand.

It’s almost like TV. Yes, TV has been ruined. It used to be a joy, once I got Tivo, to be able to watch a show and fly past the commercials. As people realized what Tivo was…networks adapted. You can’t watch Top Chef without it brought to you by some commercial venture. You can’t watch the Biggest Loser without being goaded into buying some new product. And ESPN can fuck me with a Microplane zester for all of the scrolling over and over and over my precious 1980’s wrestling programs that I want to see in their videotaped glory.

Technology, as we know it, is fucking us. It’s not fucking us fast and hard or slowly with a lil Zapp and Roger in the background making us feel all special and shit. Technology is boffing us like a drunk kid on on prom night, happily taking away from us what we once held dear: our time, energy and money.

I’m not a luddite by any stretch of the imagination. I just know that there’s so much being thwarted that our intentions are getting lost. For example, what the shit is Twitter? I already have Facebook and I don’t need to see @foxyjuicy or #lolbitchez to know that this is stupiding our country. There is no future in 140 symbols or less communication. You know what Twitter has replaced?

Conversations. The joy of a conversation. People cannot open their mouths and speak without looking down at their phones. We’ve all become ADD for no good reason, NO good reason. Is business getting done faster? Are we all getting more productive? It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like everything is slowing down to a crawl where our days start earlier because we’re all accessible. And then spend all day on machines instead of talking to people. Twitter never got anyone laid. It never progressed society or made anyone have a new thought. Its just a simplistic way of twisting society into a giant pit of stupidness.

Put away the fucking blackberry and talk to someone. A stranger. Strangers aren’t bad. Most of us are strangers, you know. It doesn’t hurt yourself one bit to be friendly going into an office building or hold the door for someone outside of a café. It won’t kill you to say you’re welcome when someone says thank you. You don’t know what you’re missing in life.

This weekend’s top movie was a good example of enjoying the little things. Woody Harrelson’s character Talahassee spends the whole movie looking for a Twinkie. That’s his simple pleasure he’s dying to find. It makes life worthwhile when you remember to stop and smell the rosaries.

Your Reluctant Party Host, removing the bitch mask and signing off.