Balls
Balls. Balls. Balls.
I hadn’t taken Xanax at the office until yesterday after I found out this gal I knew died.

Her name was Stacy, a big ole lesbian born and raised in Atlanta. She was a drunk and a druggie at 14 (like me) and cleaned up her act and fell back down and cleaned up her act and was so inspiring to so many of us.

I have no idea as to what it was that took her life. I knew that she’d recently met a guy, despite swearing off men forever when she was younger but as someone once said…even a vegetarian craves meat once in a while.

Her passing took the piss outta me yesterday. I was in a fog for most of the day, functioning as well as I can while completely under because of medication. I ate ice cream yesterday, fucking ice cream which I never eat, I was in that much of a mood. My stomach hurt.

I went to the store and bought prune juice because needed to clear out my damn stomach. And took a lovely combination of medications and sleep aids and passed the fuck out, seconds after the Lakers narrowly beat the Rockets.

There was a kicker to last night as well…I was looking through this chick’s facebook…I sort of want to fuck her but not really. But there’s a picture of her and these other girls I know…and I recognize one of them as someone I deleted after she cockteased the shit out of me a year and a half ago. Not cool, not nice, not something someone should have done to me. But she did and I blocked her but now I saw her and her last name’s different.

She got married. So she was drunk texting and drunk calling me. And either fucking someone on the side or wanted to fuck me but had someone else. Some bullshit.
As Jonah would say on Summer Heights High, that’s bullshit, miss! The circle of shit completed and today’s crappy commute plus standing at Starbucks next to an incompetent fussy rude Indian woman and her fat little daughter (13 year old should not have asses that would satisfy my tastes) and her meek little son have made me feel grateful for living.

I’m pissed enough to refocus on the things I want to focus on. Reading. Writing. Working out. Not much else.

Speaking of not much else...that dumb actor sent me another facebook message. I looked on her photos and it looks like she's meeting everyone she possibly can. Lifeless maybe?